What To Do if You Feel Your Partner Is Not Interested in You


Does your partner seem distant or emotionally unavailable? Are you worried that they may be losing interest in you and your relationship? Read on for some valuable advice on how to approach the situation alongside your partner.

Get All the Facts

Before anything else, it’s essential that you gather the facts of your situation. Feelings are real and valid, but they can cloud judgment and lead to perceptions that don’t accurately reflect the reality of your circumstances.

Approach your partner only after you’ve taken some time to understand their perspective. If you notice a change in their behavior, especially toward you, consider the following questions:

  • “How was your day?”
  • “How are you feeling?”
  • “Is there something on your mind?”
  • “Do you want to talk about anything?”

This opens the door for positive conversation and decreases the chance of miscommunication. The reality is that their behavior may not have anything to do with you. Maybe they’ve been having a rough time at work, or perhaps they’re having family problems. There are many reasons why they may be acting distant. So be sure to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Share Your Concerns

Perhaps the most important thing you can do after confirming the facts of your situation is to be direct and share your concerns with your partner. Not only does this let them know what and how you are feeling, but it opens the doors for further discussion.

Communication is absolutely vital to any relationship, especially when there is unaddressed friction between two people. When you approach your partner, be sure to do so in a way that is genuine but relaxed, low-pressure, and non-confrontational. You don’t want them to feel like they’ve been cornered or forced into an uncomfortable situation.

Ask Them What They Need

After sharing your concerns, be sure to immediately follow that up with actionable questions that demonstrate a commitment to follow through:

  • What is it that you need?
  • How can I help you through this?
  • What can I do/not do for you?

Ideally, your partner will be open and receptive to discussing the relationship from their perspective. This is the perfect time to practice active listening. Don’t just listen to what they are saying; hear the emotions and perceptions behind their words, and engage in meaningful dialogue that strives to get at the heart of the matter.

Communicate Your Own Needs

While focusing on the other’s needs is important, don’t forget to stay connected to yourself and your own needs throughout this process. Dig a little deeper into how you’re feeling and how that’s shaped your perceptions of their behavior. Then, share that with your partner when you approach them. Maybe they used to do something that made you feel loved and appreciated by them, but they stopped doing it somewhere along the way. Or perhaps you’re feeling the sting of neglect because you never received what you wanted from your relationship with them. It’s quite possible that they simply didn’t know or weren’t aware of your needs. Communication is invaluable to breaking down barriers and sharing yourself with others.

Work Together

Now that both of you have shared and spoken your mind, the next steps require cooperation. Take some time to identify what it is that attracted you to one another in the first place. As we’ve stated, communication is key.

Do this together so that you can remind each other of the special relationship that you share. If this conversation brings to light any other misconceptions or bruised feelings, take the time to acknowledge those and work through them as a couple. This process should not be rushed. It may go relatively quickly, or it may take time. The important thing is that you approach the situation with patience and perseverance.

Spend Quality Time With One Another

Sometimes, quality time with the ones you care about can make a world of difference. Mark your calendar, tune out the distractions and set aside some time to spend with your partner, just the two of you. Whatever you do, be sure that the activity is meaningful to you as a couple. Maybe it’s going to see a special showing of your favorite movie. Or perhaps it’s hiring a private chef for your next date night. Then again, it might be as simple as staying in and chatting the evening away. The most important thing is that you feel closer to one another by the end of your time together.

Talk to a Therapist

Having a regular therapist can make it easier to identify and translate the feelings that arise in complex relationships. Everyone has things they need to work through, and a helping hand can be just the thing that gets you to the other side. When it comes to personal issues (for you or your partner), consider hypnotherapy for trauma and PTSD as a way to explore the root causes of shared concerns deeply. If you and your partner would like to attend counseling sessions together, try couples therapy for a better relationship.

Honesty Is the Best Policy

If you feel that your partner is not interested in you, remember these tips as you navigate the situation. Truly, the importance of clear communication cannot be overstated. Sharing and working through things together is a vital piece of any relationship. Be open and understanding as you approach your partner, but don’t neglect to care for yourself.

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